Emergency Pants

Due to an increase in comment spam (which you probably haven’t seen because Bridget and I try to delete it as soon as possible), we’re turning back on the switch that says you have to be a registered user of Emergency Pants to comment on posts.

I’m sorry, Keri Roberts, but you have to register now.

Due to extreme technical difficulties related to connecting two goddamned microphones to one motherfucking Windows computer, Episode 46 will be posted Wednesday evening.

Hi, fans!

I’ve added a forums section to the website.  I know following discussions in the comments section is kind of a pain in the ass.

Simply go to http://emergency-pants.net/forums or use the Emergency Pants Forums link under “Contact Us” to get over there!

Episode 27 features a rare glimpse into the minds of Bridget and Shane, only to come up with one thing:  They love farts.

They also cover the following: 

• Public Grabass
• Tiddy Bear competitor “Snadge Elephant”
• Reading Twitter in the Bathroom
• Broken Sound Equipment (Pisses Me Off!)

Welcome to Episode 26, with 50% more Tony! (The picture above is not Tony)

In this episode we discuss:

• The joys of belligerant drunks
• The Transformers (the robots, not the electrical devices or sex acts)
• 80s cartoons
• Teacher rape (or the lack thereof)
• And more!

Also, shout outs to Kelley and Stars and Tartans!

Download NOW: Episode 26

We’re back with a bonus episode this week:  The exciting conclusion of the Emergency Pants Amazing Commercial Extravaganza – IN COLOR!  

You heard right, folks.  For the next 30 seconds ONLY you can get the second part of the Amazing Commercial Extravaganza, two free book lights, a snuggie, 43 ShamWOWs, a Chia Pet, some cheap chinese crap, and a Medi-lert bracelet.  All for the low price of $19.95*.

BUT WAIT!  This episode also includes: Priceless discussion of male enhancement pills, elderly-people commercials, mainstream sex toys, Chuck Norris fails, more excersize equipment (HOLDS UP TO 240 POUNDS!  For the Brits that follow our show, that’s “dollars”), fake TV doctors, and hearing products, and the world’s dirtiest Arby’s commercial.

Download: Episode 25

*Offer will not be honored.

Episode 24 explores Bridget’s and my love for shitty commercials.  We’re also lucky enough to have a listener-submitted photo from Laura and DJ.  Below is their story:

     On Friday nights, I don’t have a ride home from work so in an attempt not to use the Hauptman and O’Brien’s “Safe Ride Home” Program, I caught the bus going the opposite way, as it would be the same one I would catch home. This was a way warmer situation, if you have been hearing about Omaha weather recently. 
     DJ was on the bus, as arranged, so we went down Dodge Street and ended up getting  off at the Walgreen’s at about 31st and Dodge. We have been doing this for a few weeks, doing a chocolate run at 9pm on a Friday night. Hehe.
     We were talking about how sometimes you are just at someone’s house or a place just to be there to try something new or meet someone who you wouldn’t usually have access to. We got in the store and shook ourselves off and got more comfortable for strolling, shopping. We walked by a ShamWOW and other infomercial products so I picked up a box and said, “Wow, DJ!   It is REALLY made in Germany!” (We, of course, were referencing the Emergency Pants episode that had the ShamWOW discussion.)
     We walked on and then he said, “I don’t think we are here for chocolate, we were here to see the ShamWOW.” Then we, like giggling teenagers, took this picture for you and the Emergency Pants crew. I posed, he took the photo. 
     Merry Christmas, Emergency Pants cast and crew!! Good Luck in 2009!

 

*Laura and DJ. 

Thanks for the letter!  We cover a lot of our favorite bad commercials in this episode, plus the benefits of having a fort, and our best and worst Christmases!

If you want to check out these commercials, go to asseenontv.com!

Download: Episode 24

Episode 23 covers a lot of ground, so we’ll get right into the nitty gritty:

• Snow sucks – it’s confirmed and documented.
• Bridget’s mom is not the best CSR.
• The first recorded trans-atlantic junk-food swap.
• Mean Pharmacy Lady.
• Nobody has time for REO Speedwagon.
• Burnout.
• The worst joke in the world!

Download: Episode 23

Episode 22 takes us across the pond (via the interwebs) to talk with our special guest, MrXStitch!  We discuss the differences between British and American culture.  And by “culture” we mean “swear words.”

Also covered, conkers, and the ridiculousness that is snuggies.

Download: Episode 22 – Emergency Trousers

In Episode 21, we shine the harsh light of truth on our pasts, and atone for the bad things we did.  And, by “atone,” I mean “tell you about and laugh at.”  We cover such scintillating sins as:

• Theft
• Medical fetishes
• Lying
• and Jedi Mind Tricks

Download: Episode 21

Episode 20 is all about embarrassment.  Hear such harrowing tales as: 

• The Wrong Party!
• I Thought You Hung Up!
• Grab-Ass – For Real This Time!
• Gingerbread Latte of Doom!

Also, shout-outs (again) to Bay and Amy from Grits to Glits, and MrXStitch’s blog!

Download UP IN THIS PIECE: Episode 20

Episode 19: We review our feedback from the ladies at Grits to Glitz, who gave us a shout-out on their latest episode, and a discussion about Shane’s prostitute friend.  Also:

• People are incapable of determining if they’re having an actual emergency
• Vampire stories and Twilight
• Sticky accents
• Goodbye, Mars Lander!

Download here: Episode 19

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Episode 18 kicks off with election coverage, and we find out what’s wrong with America today.  Bridget enjoys some hot latte action courtesy of Starbuck’s new friendliness program, and we discuss how it’s hard out there for a geek.  

Also, if you’re Obama’s grandma, you may not want to listen to this episode.

Download it here: Episode 18

Episode 17 is hot off the presses!  In this issue:

• Minneapolis vs. St. Paul 
• The Smoking Gun TV has funny educational films, including  ”Easy To Get” – Army’s training video about how not to get gonorrhea – NSFW!
• Bridget has hot Twitter friends
• Skittle jackets are not hiphop
• Commercials encourage lying

We managed to whip Skype into a bloody submission this evening, so here’s another episode for you all.

We detail the scandalous stealing of political signs from Bridget’s mom, the wonders of GPS, Subversive arts and crafts, Human Resources, Tony, and childish insults.

Shout outs to Mr. Xstitch, and a shitload of etsy stores:

• Spidercamp’s bunnies
• Mincingmockingbird
• Trixie Delicious’s Vandalized Vintage
• Attack of the Robots