Emergency Pants

(Thanks to Mooosh for the inspiration for week’s title)

In this episode we cover ass cheese, comedy gold at McDonald’s, Heroes Suckfest, and REO Speedwagon.

Also covered: How’s It Made, and your uvula is showing, and Subversive Cross Stitch.

Shout outs: VSC, Mooosh, Ruby42, and of course, Beefranck.

Download Episode 15 here: Episode 15

Who doesn’t need a montage?  In this episode, we discuss the things in life in which we would like to be sped fast-forward through, a la the movie montage.  

Other things you will find interesting in this podcast:

• Bridget’s awesome doctor
• Shane’s fascination with Bridget’s awesome doctor
• Nerd Lovin’
• Something horrible in the bubble tea place (and it’s not the bubble tea!)

After a massive, massive hiatus, Emergency Pants is back with a brand new edition.  We’re rollin’ in our 5.0, with the ragtop down, so our hair can blow.

In this week’s episode, we discuss the virtues of San Diego and San Francisco, and smutty dime-novel shops.  Bridget and Shane relate heart-wrenching stories of visits to grandma’s house, bullies, and floods.  Also: Smurf names, sexual harrassment training, and the elusive Prius is spotted in the wild.

Download it here: Episode-13

Due to my testing requirements over the last couple of weeks, and Bridget’s vacay next week, we won’t have an awesome podcast for you to listen to until the second week of September.  I know, it sucks.  We enjoy making them just as much as you enjoy listening to them.

To help keep you busy for another week, here’s some stuff you could do:

• Try to kill the world with Pandemic 2
• Get crafty!
• Read Fark.com
• Check out some new podcasts, such as How Much Do We Love, PNSExplosion, and Nobody’s Listening
• Quench your MST3K fix with Cinematic Titanic and Rifftrax
• Take a nap.  Lots of them

Ian has kindly sent in pictures of the chair of our co-worker, mentioned in Episode 11. This chair’s owner is the Toilet Whisperer.

As you can clearly see, there is an unidentified material caked into the “webbing” type fabric of the seat, and some unidentified bread or pastry crumbs lying carelessly on the seat. It remains unidentified because we’re all too grossed out to get close to it. Pics after the jump (click to enlarge them!):

(continue reading…)

Commit! Commit! Commit to be shit! Be! Shitgressive! B-E shitgressive!

So, Episode 12 is in the can (quite literally). It picks up where 11 left off, with the EP crew being joined again by Tony** to discuss matters of great importance. Tony also teaches us the game “Species or Sex Act?” which proves to be a great time.

Also, Bridget snorts in a meeting, and we discuss starting our cult.

Things discussed: Penis List, Ainsley

Download: Episode 12

Episode 11 is released unto an unsuspecting public!

In this week’s episode we discuss the luxuries of a certain supermarket, the virtues of sushi and piercings, and completely fail at not talking about poop once again. And Tony** joins us again!

References (read: unpaid advertisements for) this week: Trader Joe‘s and Big Brain.

In addition to new episode-y goodness, we want to remind readers that you can email us at emergencypantspodcast at gmail. Also, if you want to send a Trader Joe’s gift basket, money, or hookers, let us know and we’ll give you our addresses!

Download: Rhymes with “Jader Toe’s”

**may or may not be his real name.

Episode 10′s content was recorded along with Episode 9‘s, however due to length we had to break ‘em apart (that’s what she said). I was going to wait a few days to let Ep 9 sink in good and deep, but this stuff is just too funny to sit on (that’s what she said).

Enjoy Episode 10, in which we discuss archaic terms for punishment, license plates, cat balls, and horse jizz.

Direct download: Episode-010

Episode 9 has been released for public consumption!

In this episode, we discuss troublemaker Anthony Bourdain, inflexible noodles, stationery and office supplies, and Bridget’s mom blows our minds.

Also discussed: pooplosions, bathroom furniture, and the natural beauty of the glory hole.

Direct download: Episode 9

There’s no podcast this week, because I’ve been super busy buying a new car, and I’ve got a stupid, douchey, summertime cold.

Episode 7 featured a segment about delicious new ice-cream technology purchased at the “snack fund” in our office. It generated a lot of feedback from listeners, not only because it was funny but few of you could believe that what I was saying was true.

So, without further ado, here is (one of) the office’s snack funds. Yes, there are more than one, but this one is the best one.

Episode 008 features a guest, Tony**, a long-time friend of Bridget and Shane.  It is also our podcast’s filthiest episode by far, and our almost-longest (second only to episode 003′s silence contest, which clocked in just under 3 hours).

In this episode: We discuss Tony’s latest road trip.  Bridget reviews our current favorite commercial, Shane reveals his new favorite word, and Tony reveals his love for urbandictionary.com.  We also discuss loads of bodily functions, invent a new super-hero, and create a new Italian restaurant.  Also featured are annoying words and phrases.

** May or may not be his real name!

Direct download: 2 Cats 1 Foot

This week’s episode covers a wide range of topics, such as ice cream, hobos (but no hobo vaginas), crafting, impulse shopping, podcasting, and crazy people.  Shane’s nerd status is investigated and qualified.  Bridget is excited that a dear friend is visiting *and* she gets to have drinks with PNSexplosion’s Patrick in August. 

Bridget is entering the craftster.org Summer Needlework Challenge! - stay tuned for pics of the beautiful, vicious sampler she is sewing.

Theme music provided by Men Without Pants from the Podsafe network.

Direct download: emergency-pants-007

We’re changing the way we produce our podcast, which will make it better for you, the (potential) listener, but makes it a completely new experience for me as the editor.   After fooling around with Audacity for a while, I decided to get some decent multi-track editing software by a major corporation.  It seems to be working a lot better, which is good, but I managed to undo the work I did over the past few days, which is bad, but I can re-do it faster now, which is good.

The move  to the new provider is finished.  Response time on the dynamic pages is excellent, now!  Look for a new podcast to be posted in the next few days.

We’ll be moving to a new hosting provider this weekend in order to speed up response time on the PHP rendering.

The new provider, Media Temple, offers an attractive gridded-computing structure. In addition to generous bandwidth allowances, they offer the ability to survive bursts of unexpected traffic to the site.

We’ll post more info closer to the move.