Emergency Pants

Hey there all you beautiful people out there in podcast land! Sadly, there will be no Pants tonight, as poor Shane has the dreaded lurgy. I know, right? Send him some love, snuggies, chicken soup, and Vicks Vapo-Rub! Also, it might help if you don’t wear pants for the rest of the day today and possibly tomorrow, just to show your support. Solidarity and junk, know what I mean?

Depending on how Mr. Tungsten is doing, we might try to record later this week. If not, we both want to say Happy Holidays, and we hope each and every one of you gets your stocking STUFFED.

Oh, and here’s a funny video that Amy sent us!

Oh, and if you have an iPhone, download Words With Friends and come and play with us!

Well, hey there! You’re looking really good! Have you been working out? No really, I mean it! And you smell FANTASTIC.

Sooooo, there’s no new show tonight because Shane is a rambling man. He’s out wandering from town to town, making friends, finding love, and solving mysteries – and maybe, just maybe, learning a little about himself along the way.

We hope to be able to record on Thursday, so look for  a new episode later this week. Until then, stay awesome! *smooches*

Due to extreme technical difficulties related to connecting two goddamned microphones to one motherfucking Windows computer, Episode 46 will be posted Wednesday evening.

Epsiode 42 of Emergency Pants is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. And junk.

• Bridget is expendable! *sad trombone*
• Shane shares his experience being laid. Off.
• Bridget’s Lifetime Movie title: I Decide Who I Hug: Bridget’s Story
• Shane has great love and affection for old electronics. Weird!
• Bridget is an unwilling part in the greatest telemarketing training class scam in history
• Pitfall II, Shining Force, Ballz, and Toejam and Earl
• Why Bridget would never succeed as a sex line worker
• Hurrah for Sennheiser!
• Hurrah for Stars and Tartan saying strokeface, which Bridget can’t stop laughing at!

Download: What Is Six Times Seven?

Hey everybody! Bridget here. I just wanted to make sure to let you all know that Jamie – friend of the show, occasional co-host, and my brother from a European mother – is having a contest at his blog this week. Just head on over to MrXStitch and comment on any one of the fabulous “Cutting and Stitching Edge” posts over the next week, starting today.  The winner of the contest will receive the recycled cross stitch you see above. See the story of how Jamie took an antique stitch and awesomed it up here. The winner will be chosen the weekend of the 7th of March and be announced by your beloved Emergency Pantsers during the March 10th episode of the podcast! How cool is that? Answer: very, very cool.

Now, since this is my podcast and therefore my space, I feel like I can finally get this off my chest. I didn’t want to say this at Jamie’s blog or on his flickr because it would have lacked class. I’m so pissed someone else is getting this stitch! As soon as I saw it completed I started making plans to find a way to manipulate things until it was residing in my home! And now, just because I’m “staff” I’m ineligible! PAH!

Anyway. Take advantage of this, people! And if you win, send it to me! *wink*

Episode 24 explores Bridget’s and my love for shitty commercials.  We’re also lucky enough to have a listener-submitted photo from Laura and DJ.  Below is their story:

     On Friday nights, I don’t have a ride home from work so in an attempt not to use the Hauptman and O’Brien’s “Safe Ride Home” Program, I caught the bus going the opposite way, as it would be the same one I would catch home. This was a way warmer situation, if you have been hearing about Omaha weather recently. 
     DJ was on the bus, as arranged, so we went down Dodge Street and ended up getting  off at the Walgreen’s at about 31st and Dodge. We have been doing this for a few weeks, doing a chocolate run at 9pm on a Friday night. Hehe.
     We were talking about how sometimes you are just at someone’s house or a place just to be there to try something new or meet someone who you wouldn’t usually have access to. We got in the store and shook ourselves off and got more comfortable for strolling, shopping. We walked by a ShamWOW and other infomercial products so I picked up a box and said, “Wow, DJ!   It is REALLY made in Germany!” (We, of course, were referencing the Emergency Pants episode that had the ShamWOW discussion.)
     We walked on and then he said, “I don’t think we are here for chocolate, we were here to see the ShamWOW.” Then we, like giggling teenagers, took this picture for you and the Emergency Pants crew. I posed, he took the photo. 
     Merry Christmas, Emergency Pants cast and crew!! Good Luck in 2009!

 

*Laura and DJ. 

Thanks for the letter!  We cover a lot of our favorite bad commercials in this episode, plus the benefits of having a fort, and our best and worst Christmases!

If you want to check out these commercials, go to asseenontv.com!

Download: Episode 24

Due to my testing requirements over the last couple of weeks, and Bridget’s vacay next week, we won’t have an awesome podcast for you to listen to until the second week of September.  I know, it sucks.  We enjoy making them just as much as you enjoy listening to them.

To help keep you busy for another week, here’s some stuff you could do:

• Try to kill the world with Pandemic 2
• Get crafty!
• Read Fark.com
• Check out some new podcasts, such as How Much Do We Love, PNSExplosion, and Nobody’s Listening
• Quench your MST3K fix with Cinematic Titanic and Rifftrax
• Take a nap.  Lots of them

Ian has kindly sent in pictures of the chair of our co-worker, mentioned in Episode 11. This chair’s owner is the Toilet Whisperer.

As you can clearly see, there is an unidentified material caked into the “webbing” type fabric of the seat, and some unidentified bread or pastry crumbs lying carelessly on the seat. It remains unidentified because we’re all too grossed out to get close to it. Pics after the jump (click to enlarge them!):

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Shane and I discussed the short but sweet text in the angry letter he once helped me compose in episode 9. It makes me laugh, therefore, I stitched it onto fabric. See the post to craftster here.

There’s no podcast this week, because I’ve been super busy buying a new car, and I’ve got a stupid, douchey, summertime cold.

Episode 7 featured a segment about delicious new ice-cream technology purchased at the “snack fund” in our office. It generated a lot of feedback from listeners, not only because it was funny but few of you could believe that what I was saying was true.

So, without further ado, here is (one of) the office’s snack funds. Yes, there are more than one, but this one is the best one.

I just listened to episode 007 of Emergency Pants and I feel there is something I need to confess. Please know that this confession is made with sorrow and with the intention of amendment.

Sometimes, when I’m recording the podcast, I cross stitch. That should help explain why you hear some shuffling in the background on my end. It also explains the buzzing you sometimes hear, as I raise and shear my own sheep to make the thread that I use in my stitching.

I’m truly sorry, and I promise to think about trying to stop doing these things while recording at some point in the near future. Maybe.

We’re changing the way we produce our podcast, which will make it better for you, the (potential) listener, but makes it a completely new experience for me as the editor.   After fooling around with Audacity for a while, I decided to get some decent multi-track editing software by a major corporation.  It seems to be working a lot better, which is good, but I managed to undo the work I did over the past few days, which is bad, but I can re-do it faster now, which is good.

I have always known I would be a horrible police officer. Not just because I’m horribly out of shape, but because it would be too tempting carrying that club around on my belt all day.

I got to thinking about other professions that I would be fired from on my first day. This is what I came up with so far:

• Bank manager: Fired for swimming in the money a la Scrooge McDuck.
• Doctor: Leaving funny things in patients, giggling at the words “penis” and “vagina,” and having no medical training whatsoever.
• Teacher: It would be like Kindergarten Cop, but with beatings.
• Sushi Chef: Eating my work.
• Bikini waxer: Same.

What about you? What job would you be horrible at, and why?