Episode 106: IT’S A KELLY AND JOE SHOW!

• Happy Birthday, Shane!
• Shane went to DC and met some of our awesome listeners
• We got the best email in the world
• Listener and kindred spirit Marshall took Furby pictures
• That fucking What Would You Do TV show
• Kelly recommends The Legend of Neil
• There was a lot of other stuff, but I was laughing too hard and I forgot it.

Download: Episode 106

Episode 105: Hooooooooly SHIT!

• Wait, Wait – Don’t Tell Me is a fun podcast
• Obsessed with Obsessed
• Drunk Link
• Bridget’s internet is cuter than your internet.
• There’s two Shoedini commercials, with Gilbert Gottfried or without Gilbert Gottfried
• Bridget worked for The Swiss Colony once – not the Amana Colonies
• Check out Bad Movie Bingo
• Navy Pier is touristy. Have some fudge!

Download: Episode 105

Episode 104: In which we ALMOST had RJ from A Cup of Fresh Hell as a co-host, but Skype was being a bitch, so alas, not this time. *hangs head* Anyway, we talked about a lot of crap. Mostly farts. Sorry. Here’s a whole bunch of fun videos to make up for it:

• Panda Cheese
• A Slab or Slice or Chunka
• Don’t Drown Your Food
• Ahahahahahahahaha, thingie!
• Farts. Don’t try to hide ‘em.

Download: Episode 104

Episode 103: I dunno.
• Joe sent Shane a pressie! Thanks, Joe!
• Harry Potter
• The Surprised Puppy Face pictures came rolling in!
• Death by pussitivity
• Death by email from Merlin Mann
• Hammocks will steal your lady if you aren’t careful
• Look, a fancy art show featuring Bridget, Jamie, and VSC!
• Bridget met the awesome Sarah Moore from Craft Critique
• Fart training
• We end with a special song for Penny

Download: Episode 103

Episode 102 has negatively effected our lives in the following ways:

• We say air hair lair to Clair and David
• We discuss Shane’s bed
• Shout out to RJ and Chris at Cup of Fresh Hell
• Shae is reading bad books
• Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows is awesome
• Bridget and the security guard at work
• Use the Bureau of Communication for all of your apology needs
• Ruby42‘s cross stitch is purchased by Kat Von D and we worry that it might need an intervention

Download: Episode 102

KAT VON D CALL ME!

Episode 101: See my loafers? Former gophers.

• We make bad fashion choices, like Shane’s ball shorts discussed in this episode
• We have high expectations
• We didn’t talk about them, but LOOK AT THESE ADORABLE ANIMALS! I SAID LOOK AT THEM!
• Hey, be a dear and comment and like this video so a friend of ours can win an iPad. Puhlease?
• Today’s cover art is shamelessly pinched from Natalie Dee, who is awesome.
• Bridget’s other podcast, Stitching n Junk, released its 3rd episode today!

Download: Episode 101

Episode 100: Holy crap, it’s episode 100!!!

• Williard Scott is nuts
• Bill Kurtis is awesome!
• James Earl Jones has that voice when he does every day stuff, too, you know.
• Needs to be developed: Emergency Pants drinking game. Additional: Stitching N Junk drinking game. Discuss.
• America’s Next Top Bridget’s Mom is… *drum roll* RJ from Cup of Fresh Hell podcast! YAY!
• Lookin’ at Shane’s head.
• Dreams and the problems they cause
• Father Flanagan – kind of a douche.
• Bridget’s coming out

Download: Episode 100

• Shane’s got a bed! A new one, we mean.
• We like Cyanide and Happiness!
• The high fructose corn syrup people think we’re stupid. JERKS!
• The Face Trainer is ridiculous. Watch the third video down. TRUST ME. Then, go add a photo of yourself making silly faces to this flickr group! Please?
• Will YOU be America’s Next Top Bridget’s Mom?
• Penny is doing awesome self portraits!

Download: Episode 99

Episode 98: We’re sorry and junk!

Oh my god, you guys! We have guests! KELLY AND JOE! Oh, and their kid. Steve. Sam. Shawn. SETH. ANYWAY. Tonight we discussed:

• Cheese Nips
• Balls
• Poop
• Steak
• Steak
• Small amount of peas
• Air conditioning
• Bridget’s Mom

Download: Episode 98

Episode 97: Oh die schone, oh die schone, oh die schone SCHNITZELBANK!

• Rose sent is this link all about funny signs
• This place makes funky chocolates
• Bascom Hogue is awesome, as is Alissa
• Golden Girls vs. Golden Shower Girls
• We miss you, Grits to Glitz!
• Kung Pow: Enter the Fist and What’s Up, Tiger Lily? are hilarious
• Purple Rose of Cairo turns Bridget into a dumb girl

Episode 97

Episode 96: In which our heroes have brain slugs! Bridget forgets to recap Tony**’s visit, and Shane forgets he’s recording a podcast!

• Jerry Lewis goat is weird. Fainting goats are awesome.
• Cool art from Trustocorp
• Did we mention PNSexplosion, ever? Just wondering.
• We want to know: what consistently makes you laugh?
• Bridget introduces Steve the Tree
• Don’t banana up my Nilla Wafers!
• Giant 3D Cupcake! Wait, what?

Download: Episode 96

Episode 95: Holy crap! It’s Tara! AKA TheMistressT!

• Thanks to The Fey Driver and RJ & Chris, we’ve gained some listeners and got shout outs from Dragen podcast and That Blue Jeans Guy. Thanks, everybody! And if you’re new here, welcome!
• Bridget and Jamie have a new podcast, Stitching n Junk! Check it out!
• You should listen to How Much Do We Love, especially this episode!
• Better Marriage Blanket? Really?
• This music video is awesome but almost broke Shane’s brain!
• This video described by Tara is far, far less awesome
• Why is Shane stabbing DVD’s with scissors?
• Tara tells us about a new delicacy that totally reminds us of the Ass Cheese Incident

Download: Episode 95

Episode 94: Oh my god, you guys! It’s Ben! No, seriously, here’s the real link.

• Hi to The Fey Driver of Pink Wheelnuts Podcast who gave us something interesting to discuss!
• Hi to RJ and Chris of the podcast A Cup of Fresh Hell Served with a Side of Heaven!
• Kombucha sounds gross. Ew.
• Mother Dough is NOT a band like Shane thought, but maybe it should be.
• Crying guy!
• A Mr X Stitch podcast is coming! Are you ready?
• Did you hear? We have a Facebook page! You can be our fan, if you want. Please? LOVE US!
• Oh, and we still have our awesome flickr group! Check it out if you haven’t!

Download: Episode 94

Episode 93: I can’t believe I ate the whole thing.

• MST3K 24/7!!!!
• Hey, guys!
• Get in on the EZ Juicer
• Um. There’s more. I’m sure of it!

Download: Episode 93

Episode 92: Um. Yeah. So. We lost like, 45 minutes. But we sucked it up and made the best of it.

• Something Something Church Something
• Allergies provide the perfect cover-up for crying
• Rosie tells us that It’s Alright to Cry.
• Hi Adam!
• Hi Ruby!
• Hi Kelly! We hope that selfish baby gets out of your tummy soon!
• I’m not sure what else. Something about penises? That sounds right.

Download: Episode 92

Hey. Hey. Hey. C’mere a minute. I wanna show you something. It’s EPISODE 91!

• Old dudes dig me.
• What would you do if you were president?
• Cheryl sent us these awesome cards
• Hi, Julie!
• Keri: We are very, very, very sorry. Really!
• Ben made this piece of awesome inspired by last week’s podcast. Is there nothing Ben can’t do?
• The show Life has convinced us that animals are jerks
• This mating dance would be hilarious with a third wheel, wouldn’t it?
• Eagle Man. Nuff said.

Download: Episode 91

Episode 90: OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS!!! TONY! EeeeeeeeeEEEEeeeee!!!!

• Hi Keri! Thanks for telling us about this name generator!
• What makes you poop?
• Three Minute Legs is a ridiculous piece of work-out equipment even though it SHOULD be the name of a gangster or a convenience food
• This Golden Girls spoof looks like fun!

Download: Episode THE NINETIETH!

Episode 89: Sorry if we sound tired. We were playing basketball until like, 2 in the morning!

• Cat Talk!
• Ben Folds serenades people on chatroulette in front of a live audience and we think he may have done it before.
• Sassy Gay Friend tells it like it is in Romeo and Juliet and Hamlet! “Ophelia, he stabbed your Dad through a curtain.”
• Shane is concerned about this cat.
• Today’s cover art is from the lovely and talented Natalie Dee.

Download: Episode 89

I’m sorry, Keri Roberts, but you have to register now.

Episode 88: Oh my God, you guys! It’s Kelly & Joe! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

• Joe is like catnip for old ladies and Sanitation Technicians
• Kelly discusses her baby hotel
• The Cafeteria Files
• Funny SNL commercials!
• Hi, yhf!
• Lots of other stuff, I dunno, I can’t remember everything, I’M SORRY! *sob*

Download: Episode 88

Episode 87: Good for what ails you!

• Bridget is slightly less of a hermit thanks to the wonderful Joe & Kelly!
• This Onion article kicked our asses
• This list of the 90 types of bitches is incomplete. Help us finish it, and add to it!
• Shane has started a new tumblr for aborted tumblr, twitter and facebook posts. Check it out or submit one yourself here!
• Bridget’s Dad makes a suggestion
• We love the unexplained! OoooooOOOOoooooOOOOOooooooh!
• Tara sent Bridget this awesome present for no good reason! What the heck? (thanks, Tara. ^_^ )

Download: Episode 87

Episode 86 is an Emergency Trousers episode as we have Jamie joining us from across the pond! And junk!

• Penny and Johnny take on chat roulette in their awesome new tumblr – also, thanks to Penny for Coke Talk!
• One of the fellows behind Look Around You is behind the Time Waster podcast – so good!
• Rose made an awesome awesome monkey video – check it out!
• Go play Sushi Cat. Like, right now.
• LOOK AT THIS SHIRT. LOOK AT IT!
• Hi to The Fey Driver!
• Thanks to Amy and Bay from Grits to Glitz for thinking of us while on vacation and for providing today’s cover art!

Download: Episode 86

Episode 85 guest stars ROSE! Hi, Rose!

• We all love Red Dwarf and The Mighty Boosh
• Songsmith makes us grumpy
• Shane enjoys Curling. Who knew?
• We talk about Black Dynamite, Clue, and Rocky Horror Picture Show
• Axecop – written by a kid, drawn by an adult, made of awesome.
• Rose enjoys the Cheat Commandos on Homestarrunner
• Dexter!
• Happy birthday, Alissa!

Download: Episode 85

Episode 84: This week we discover that it’s not Lupus! Here’s some stuff we talked about:

• Shawna joined us! Hi, Shawna!
• Hoodie Footie. Yeah.
• Hipster Snuggie
• Homestarrunner!
• Tony caught this ad on the Emergency Pants site. Priceless!

Download: Episode 84

If you would like to send him a card, well wishes, love letters, panties – whatever – you can do so here:
Shane Blaufuss
c/o
Methodist Hospital
7th floor south
8303 Dodge St
Omaha, NE 68114

Many of you have already shown your support and encouragement, and I know that Shane is deeply grateful for that. We’ll keep you updated as we learn more.

Episode 83: Ladies and Gentlemen, put your hands together for Accidental Ham Ingestion and their new album, Bone-In!

• We’ve been sickie-poos!
• Bridget had an interview!
• Check out these ridiculous skymall items
• And this storage container commercial that relies on laziness and stupidity!
• We’re on tumblr. Are you? Follow us! Bridget, Shane, Jamie, Alissa, Ben and Shae await!
• Rambling and junk. You know. Stuff and things.

Download: Episode 83

Episode 82: Holy fucking shit! It’s Penny and Johnny!

• Penny and Johnny have come up with the next big thing, the Trousie!
• We may never sleep again after learning about the existence of alligator gars!
• Check out the Incident at Loch Ness and The Grand
• Experience the horror of Gigglesnort Hotel!
• Check out one of Johnny’s many bands!
• Penny says nice things that make Bridget blush.
• Happy birthday, Tara!

Download: Episode 82

Episode 81: But I digress.

• Ben, as Bay would say, is full of win. Witness this here and here.
• We actually like the “Too Light, Too Heavy” commercials – especially this one!
• Omaha is going to be under a lot of ice! It’ll look like this.
• Hello to Cheryl and The Fey Driver! The Fey Driver has a podcast called Pink Wheel Nuts. How awesome is that? Answer: Very.
• We discuss upcoming movies like Hot Tub Time Machine, MacGruber, and Black Dynamite.
• We discuss our favorite nutballs, the timecube guy and Jack Chick.
• Do you want to be a Line Cock?

You know you want to Episode 81. Don’t even pretend you don’t.

Episode 80: BEN! He draws stuff for us. He even makes us videos! And now he’s on the freaking show! And I’m abusing exclamation points as a result!

• What’s worse than the Dreamie? This thing. What’s worse than that? This thing.
• Go watch this commercial and report back!
• Thanks to Penny for telling us about the fucking weather!
• Thanks to Rose for telling us about Things I Want to Punch in the Face and Fuck You Penguin!
• Seth MacFarlane’s Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy is hilarious, especially this sheep shearing bit
• Dolomite sings!
• Hamster Talk!

Download: Episode 80

Episode 79: It’s the Kelly and Joe show, with 100% more Kelly and Joe!

This episode was so much fun, I barely remember what we talked about! I do remember this, though:

Have you given up on living like a normal human being? Then go get a Dreamie. And a failure pile in a sadness bowl.

Download: Episode 79

Episode 78: Um. Yeah.

• Do you have Skype? Do you enjoy saying things? Contact us if you’re interested in joining us sometime!
• This catheter commercial is freaking us out
• So I Married An Axe Murderer is on hulu. Watch it!
• Bridget received a Midwestern greeting card from this mystery listener! Thanks, Mystery Listener!
• Do you have any burning questions for us? You can ask Bridget questions here and Shane questions here. You can even be anonymous, so don’t be shy!
• Here’s where some of Bridget’s stitches ended up.
• Hi Kym!
• Kelley had her baby! Yay!

Download: Episode 78

Episode 77: Bing!

• We discuss the new sport Vengers
• We got that B Roll!
• Thanks to Rose for letting us know about the Necky – for when you’re too stupid to secure a scarf around your neck!
• Not all Japanese culture/anime revolves around tentacle porn, as jbox proves.
• From Japan: Hard Gay. Um, yeah. NSFW.
• Christian video game? Where do I sign?
• Today’s cover art came from Nerd Boyfriend, a site that Bridget loves tenderly and deeply.

Download: Episode 77

Episode 76: Tony! Toni! Tone!

• MST3K is on hulu!
• Hoarders. Also: Poop.
• Tony has an awkward moment that is made better through sharing with us. Awwww!
• Listeners Penny Nickels and Johnny Murder are in this video!
• Joe is cross stitching us pressies, is he still a tough guy? Yes. Yes he is.
• Bridget gets another lovely mention on PNSexplosion AND Noah says she’s cool!
• This cat likes peanut butter
• Ask Shane anything
• Game time! Twitter Mad Lib!
• What the kids today think of Santa

Download: Episode 76

Episode 75: I *thought* I smelled cabbage!

• Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, we have discovered the official game of Emergency Pants, and it is: Hot Dog Down a Hallway. If you’ve got an iPhone, go get it!
• Clair sent us this fun clip of Armstrong & Miller
• Penny sent us this robot clip – whaaaa?
• Shane loves this store!
• Aspray makes us happy AND angry!
• Operation Smile may be doing good things, but the infomercial makes us think they’re only in it for the pudding
• PNSexplosion said Bridget’s name! If they look her in the eyes and tell her she’s pretty, she might… *you* know!
• Joe’s wife Kelly asks us about leaking nipples! Wait, what?
• We have two Kellys. Hi, Kelley!
• Kitty!
• Jamie finished his awesome graffiti stitch and is in issue 221 of CrossStitcher Magazine. No big deal, though. Whatevs.
• Don’t get all worked up, but Tony** might join us next week! Eeeeeeeeeee!!!!! *faints*
• Jerkin’.

Download: Episode 75

Episode 74: WE NEED MORE WATER ON THE FLOOR!

• Asking Bridget how it’s going is a risky proposition
• Don’t these women know that balls are hilarious?
• Thanks to Claire and her sweetie for pointing out Radio Fail
• Ben shared this link and now we have the munchies
• Pukka Pies have ridiculous advertising posters
• Kay Jewelers – the stalker’s choice
• We gab about Wendy’s for a bit. Indulge us, won’t you?

Download: Episode 74

• God smited us. Smited? Smote? Smote. Anyway, he totally smote us! TWICE!
• Lindsay is back! DAMN YOU, LINDSAY!!!!
• Rose made us aware of Personal Furnishings and THEN made us aware of this video! We love you, Rose.
• Shane invents the best furniture store in the history of time
• We say hi to Joe! Also, Joe’s wife!
• Shane’s favorite Family Guy moment, for your enjoyment, here.
• Ahahahahahaha, Pony Party! ^_^

Download: Episode 73

**** Hey everyone – tonight’s episode was horribly mangled. We’re having a hard time dealing with it, because it was pretty awesome. We left the links as is for your enjoyment. ****

Episode 72: We really are sorry.

• Penny sent us this fake sitcom link!
• Bex sent us Shut Up, Woman, Get On My Horse. It’s the new Peanut Butter Jelly Time!
• Rose sent us Drunken ewoks!
• custardfairy twittered this, which reminds us that we love ridiculous oldtimey advertisements
• Bridget geeks out (just a little) about Merlin Mann of You Like Nice Today liking stuff she makes.
• Suck my liner notes, Grits to Glitz!
• VSC and Jodi are awesome

Download: Episode 72

Episode 71: Balls.

• Shane has an excellent idea for a weight loss commercial
• Bridget had a job interview! I know, right?
• Shane has ideas about alternative ways to use the shakeweight, Bridget nearly dies laughing
• We love Fake AP Stylebook, and we bet you will, too!
• We love Mythbusters, and Bridget loves Adam Savage
• Bridget eating candy: doing it wrong
• Jamie was in an article! And there’s a video!

Download: Episode 71

Episode 70: You know. That one. With the thingie. And stuff. You KNOW.

• Shane has trombone legs after a strenuous workout at the gym. DAMN YOU, LINDSEY! *shakes fist at sky*
• Send us stuff with You Send It! Or don’t. It’s cool. We don’t want to pressure you, baby.
• Yay for DJ Yoda! Especially this!
• Yay for DJ Mike Relm too!
• Rose sent us a link to these Star Wars dog costumes. Discuss.
• Shane’s cat Maus is special like this cat except even more awesome!

Download: Episode 70

Episode 69: Tonight’s episode was recorded at Schropshire Lodge, Near Wallingham, Blethington, West Hamptishiretinfinlinton, just past the three bagpipers, Scotland.

• Doctor’s waiting rooms often lead to hilarity
• Shane got a shake weight!
• I wouldn’t say no to a crepe, but what I REALLY need is a spanking.
• The Consumerist is required reading
• Jim is shirtless and smeared with peanut butter, but it’s not what you think!
• The Scottish Poet McTeagle – steroetypes are fun!
• And because it’s episode 69… here.

Download: Episode 69

Episode 68: We’re on collision course with WACKINESS!

• Please excuse Bridget’s icky voice, she has the the Dreaded Lurgy.
• Rose sent us this awesome link which provided our cover art. The hubcaps are my favorite!
• Shane is using a fancy new safety razor!
• This book talks about how things aren’t made like they used to be. Sigh.
• Bridget LOVES Glee! (Especially this clip!) Shane loves Shimmy! What’s YOUR favorite guilty pleasure tv show?
• While discussing how some female comic book heroes are the result of misogynist ideals, we create possibly the most misogynistic female superhero EVER!

Download: Episode 68

Episode 67: You like that, huh?

Bridget is fulfilling her responsibility as an American citizen by participating in the judicial process. And junk.
We love God Hates Protesters
Bridget loves Christopher Uminga. Shane is frightened.
Have you ever had a shameful nerd argument? Tell us about it!
Never put spoons in your lungs.
What are the songs you HAVE to sing along to? (Bridget’s is 14th Street. Shane’s is So Cruel.) What are the songs you HAVE to turn up? We want to know!

Download: Episode 67

Episode 66: We learned it from YOU, listeners! We learned it by watching YOU!

• Bridget calls shenanigans on this Miracle Whip commercial
• There was a snuggie fashion show. For reals!
• We can’t believe that somebody actually took the time to make Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus
• Psych is one of the funniest damn shows on TV. Go watch it here!
• Sween shows us all why jumping the shark should be awesome.
• Penny Nickels posted some videos that involve taste testing food bought at the asian food market. Try the Grass Jelly soda!
• Today’s cover art is courtesy of The Park Bench

Download: Episode 66

Episode 65: We’re a loner, Dotty. A rebel.

• Thanks to Chedderfish for alerting us to the picture we discuss in today’s episode. It is also today’s cover art. Soak it in, people.
• Use the Proper Words!
• Bridget went to the Renegade Craft Fair!
• Emily and Adam of Moesewco escorted her and told her about making Stephen Fry a hat
• Rawtoastdesign had this awesome print that she regrets not buying
• Mincing Mockingbird, an artist Bridget has bought all kinds of stuff from, was super, super cool and swapped Hell for an actual, honest to God piece of art that he created! Check out his blog for cool stuff, and check out his fiance the Frantic Meerkat’s cards and prints that are also awesome!

Down “load”: Episode 65

Episode 64 – We talked about stuff, figured out that Shane wasn’t recording, and then we talked about stuff again.

• PUPPY!
• Hey, British? What’s your deal? What the hell is a stone? And what does going pear shaped mean?
• Bridget begs Laura for forgiveness for not mentioning that she sent the porn candy wrapper link last week. Laura also pointed out People of Walmart before the rest of the internet descended upon it!
• Bridget: cock enthusiast. Jamie: not so much. But if you don’t pay attention to the byline at Mr X Stitch, it might seem that way!
• The longest, most ridiculous cock bit in Emergency Pants history
• LegendaryTigerHero provided tonight’s cover art, which is awesome.
• You know who else has an etsy store? MrXStitch.

Download: Episode 64

Episode 63 – They’re telling secrets, honey.

• Keri sent us this awesome link to the techno version of the Slap Chop commercial! Watch it! You’re gonna love his nuts!
• Shae is awesome and has her own Youtube page! She talked about us in this video! CHECK IT OUT! WE KNOW HER!
• Thicknecked drunken douchebags are scary
• Clair called us out for making fun of the Welsh. Sorry Clair! (kinda)
• Porn candy wrappers and the hilarious response to them – thanks, Laura!
• Visit beautiful Fucking – or Wank. Whichever you’re into. Thanks to Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me! for telling this story in a hilariously censored fashion!
• Don’t want to go to Fucking? Check out Rude Britian! We like Gropecunt Lane ourselves.
• Fricking hilarious, RIDICULOUSLY NSFW (naked lady ahead) blog post from PNSexplosion. READ THE TAGS, people. Srsly. Also, try the podcast!
• Tara made a Barking Spider suit for a little pooter!
• The Bugle is a funny podcast with dick jokes galore
• Go to Mr X Stitch to take part in all of our giveaway goodness!
• Bridget is wonderful! And a dork.

Download: Episode 63

Cats.

• Bridget gets birthday goodies! Nice words and videos! A ninguin from Shane! A ghost from Jamie!
• Lia’s Dad is awesome
• Bridget is a horrible, selfish person who cannot handle knowing that there is a present for her somewhere but not knowing what it is
• Black market mustaches
• cats

This is a short one guys, but we’ll be back to normal next week!

On an unrelated, not really that funny note, Bridget has started volunteering for Turning Point Domestic Violence Agency and is trying to wrangle up some donations for them here. Thanks so much to those who have already given (I’m looking at you, Tony**, Amy and Pam!) I know times are tough, guys, but if you can give, please do!

Download: Episode 62

Episode 61: DEAL WITH IT, PINKBOY! And Happy Birthday, Johnny Murder!

• Ben makes more stuff that is cool
• Shane walks into a nerdstorm
• Hey, Joe! Whaddya know?
• David Blaine and Criss Angel – meh.
• Gute von schlechten
• We love to eavesdrop
• It’s not just a fetish of Bridget’s – crying guys are HILARIOUS! Watch Wrestling Crying Guy, Library Crying Guy, and Tow Truck Crying Guy to see what we mean!

Download: Episode 61

It’s episode 60, where we start off by talking about cool stuff and then suddenly become that one old guy always telling the neighborhood kids to get off his lawn.

• Shane has a bad ass tattoo! Also, his skin is falling off! Gross!
• Poltergeist and Aliens are pantscrappingly scary
• Movie theater shenanigans – fight or flight?
• Reality shows insult our intelligence!
• Something else I don’t remember!

Download: Episode 60

Episode 59 – PANTS PARTY! Everybody’s in this one! Shane, Bridget, Tony and Jamie hang out in their fuzzy feetie pajamas and talk about boys. A very specific part of boys.

• Jamie made today’s cover art! Thanks Jamie! Unrelated: visit Photoshop Disasters
• Holy crap there is a Snuggie for dogs
• Moo and oink – just watch.
• We love Emails from Crazy People and Things That Look Like Cock N Balls
• Tony and Shane are obsessed with Obsessed
• Tony makes a friend at the gym
• One man one jar – DON’T LOOK FOR IT!
• Both Bridget’s brothers listen to the podcast. Hi Rob and Jim! Don’t tell Mom!

Download: Episode 59

More anniversary/birthday goodness, headed your way.

Can you believe we made it a whole YEAR? Tony, Shane, and Bridget read your emails, listen to your messages, and play some of your favorite bits from the podcast. Join us on this trip down memory lane, won’t you? Thank you!

Thanks to all of our listeners, you guys are all swell. Your hair looks terrific!

Special thanks to:
Keri, who is always on the podcast – IN OUR HEARTS.
Amy and Bay at Grits to Glitz
Nessa at Stars and Tartan
Jamie aka Mr X Stitch
Rosemoo
Jodi
Shaebay
Chedderfish
High School Laura and her husband DJ
Custardfairy
Tara
Ben

Download: Episode 58

It’s here! It’s here! The really big shew! So big, we’re breaking it down into manageable, bite-sized pieces.

Can you believe we made it a whole YEAR? Tony, Shane, and Bridget read your emails, listen to your messages, and play some of your favorite bits from the podcast. Join us on this trip down memory lane, won’t you? Thank you!

Thanks to all of our listeners, you guys are all awesome. And you SMELL fantastic!

Special thanks to:
Keri, who is always on the podcast – IN OUR HEARTS.
Amy and Bay at Grits to Glitz
Nessa at Stars and Tartan
Jamie aka Mr X Stitch
Rosemoo
Jodi
Shaebay
Chedderfish
High School Laura and her husband DJ
Custardfairy
Tara
Ben

Download: Episode 57

Episode 56: We got nothin’!

• Sometimes we get cranky
• Summer vacations: lame or awesome?
• Johnny Murder went under the knife! Go here to send him and Penny some love
• Bridget struggles to finish a monumental task, meanwhile Shane never finishes anyth
• We love you guys. All of you. Especially you! *muah*

Next week we’re hoping to do the really big show! Last chance to send us emails, mp3′s, skype messages, or videos of semaphore flag messages!

Download: Episode 56

Episode 55: Afternoon Delight!

• Shane makes Washington, D. C. a very lucky lady
• Warner Brothers cartoons. We miss them!
• Shane wants to abduct himself
• Look at these fucking hipsters.
• Penny Skatt rolls Bridget. Those guys need to put their shirts back on! And stop showing me your O face! Gross!
• Bridget is at peace with her unemployment
• Our cover art this week is from this t-shirt. Buy it when it’s back in print!

The really big shew is on it’s way, people – probably the last week of July. So we want to hear from YOU – Ben, Liz, John and Penny, Laura and DJ, Rachel and Will – and many more!

Download: Episode 55

Episode 54: Stuff happened. I don’t remember all of it. I’m bad at things.

• Thanks to Tara for sending us swanky postcards that double as cover art!
• We consider doing a crinkle-cast
• Bridget tries to do a bit, Shane lets it die on the vine.
• We tell you what our theme songs are and what song would be played at our funeral – tell us what yours are and we can make THE BEST PLAYLIST EVER.
• More tales about our warped religious upbringing.
• How available IS dick at an all-girls Catholic college? The answer MAY surprise you.
• Fun links for the week: Kids in the Hall and Bert Parks
• Suddenly we become skate rink DJ’s

There’s still time! Email us at emergencypantspodcast@gmail.com and tell us your favorite part of the podcast so far. You can also email us an mp3 or call Emergency-pants.net on Skype and leave us a voicemail so you can be on the really big shew!

Download: Episode 54

Episode 53: Deal with it!

• Thanks to Sutrannu for sending the BBQ States Song, making some cool art and generally being awesome
• Johnny Murder did it AGAIN! This time in panties! Go watch Close Your Robe!
• Jamie provided these links which are hilarious
• Nimbuzz is having an emoticon contest, which got us thinking about what emoticons we could use. How about you?
• What gives, celebrities? We will miss Billy Mays the most, partially because of this video
• Welcome to the world, Tyra Banks, Miss J, Jay Manuel, and (my favorite) Janice Chickenson
• Hi to Jacinta and Alissa!

Don’t forget to leave us a voicemail on Skype – emergency-pants.net – or email us an mp3 with your favorite moment of the podcast so far for our big anniversary show! Or, if you’d rather, just send us an email at emergencypantspodcast@gmail.com. Heck, you could even just leave a comment letting us know! We’re easy!

Download: Episode 53

Episode 52, in which Bridget breaks down over the lack of response from the listeners and Shane asks you to just *look* at what you did!

• Shane needs a badass nickname, preferable one that will make a badass acronym
• Sutrannu made Shane – with spikes!
• Johnny Murder wrote a song about Ghost Sex that is awesome
• We love Keyboard Cat! Especially when he accompanies Hall and Oates or Usher!
• Food Network’s foul temptress, Giada De Laurentiis; also the Neelys are totally gonna do it on TV!
• Bridget apologizes to frogs
• Mimi made this and made Bridget cry (in a good way)
• Rachel and Will sent Bridget a care package filled with Pain and this awesome stitch – thanks guys!
• One more time – Pain. Go listen to them. We LOVE THEM. We’re playing Antidote for you in the podcast. You are welcome.
• Excuses are hilarious
• Ah, sweet Rose. You know what you did. Thanks!
• Blog love for Bridget!

Don’t forget – we’re planning an awesome anniversary show and we want to hear from YOU! Call Emergency-pants.net on Skype and leave a message or email us at emergencypantspodcast@gmail.com. Tell us your favorite story or moment of the podcast so far. Then we’ll play/read it during the super awesome one year anniversary extravaganza!

Download: Episode 52

Enjoy episode 51, complete with Special Gift and Happy Ending!

• Listener Love! Greetings to Rachel and Shaebay; thanks to Cheryl who sent us a link about the Comfort Wipe and Penny, who sent Bridget the VERY special gift of Ferrari Guy, and Bridget finally remembers to say hi to Victor, listener and maker of Mr. Honeymelon! Also, Monsterosity made Whitefire Cherryblossom and lil Shane & lil Jamie!
• Jamie is famous!
• Shane admits that he could find a use for birdhouse and Bridget gloats
• Crazy cat lady is skilled at bringing the conversation around to cats
• Shane has an odd conversation about this poster
• Ladies – Shane is willing to fund the second class listed here!***
• We get a message from Amy and Bay that makes the boys feel funny

We’re planning an awesome anniversary show and we want to hear from YOU! Call Emergency-pants.net on Skype and leave a message or email us a mp3 at emergencypantspodcast@gmail.com and tell us your favorite story or moment of the podcast so far. Then we’ll play it during the super awesome one year anniversary extravaganza!

We’ve got an archives page now! Lookit!

Download: Episode 51

***Offer may not be honored. Funding may not be available.

Episode 50 of Emergency Pants is dedicated to stuff we love: our listeners, weird links, and the Internet.

• HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KERI!
• Shane is giddy over his new job
• We get links to someone falling in a hilarious fashion from Julie, Drunk History from Penny, and Why the Fuck Do You Have a Kid? from Liz. Thanks, ladies!
• Jodi loves us! A lot! Go read about it here!
• Rose loves us, too! Lookie here!
• An artist that Bridget loves loves Bridget back! Eeeeeee!
• Ben made some Midwestern Greeting Cards , which we love. Thanks, Ben!
• We discuss why we love the internet. Bridget is nerdy enough to have a flickr tag dedicated to it!
• Shane admits he needs the Birdhouse iPhone application!

Download: Episode 50!

• Bridget can’t get enough of Nerd Boyfriend
• Mmmmmm, balls!
• Watching people gardening and writing to Congress on Salvia is freaking hilarious
• Rose made Midwestern Greeting Cards a reality. We love you, Rose!
• We continue the discussion of the heartbreak of Hyperhidrosis of the Groin
• Hi Tara, Rachel and Will, Laura, and Jamie on the train!
• Julie: new listener and tweet stitcher
• Tony sent this awesome video
• Shaebay stitched Goatse. Don’t know what it is? Read about it here to decide if you want to follow this link!

Download: Episode 49!

Episode 48 deals with obsession, our awesome listeners, at-risk youth, and meatloaf. Lots and lots of meatloaf. Ok, not really that much meatloaf.

• Shane is the meatloaf king
• Panko!
• LOL-less update
• Shane growls for Bay and we say hi to Jodi and Rose
• Bridget and Shane were at-risk youth
• Tiptoes. It’s real. Check it out. Tell us what you think.
• Shane is obsessed with Obsessed.

Download: Episode Fo’ty-Eight

Episode 47 of Emergency Pants finds our heroes picking up the pieces after and angry confrontation. Or not. Probably not.

• Bridget is snotty. Snooty? Snotty.
• We’re funny!
• Awkward Family Photos – thanks Liz!
• Shane has an awesome thing happen
• Bridget’s Mom is stalking Friend of the Show Jamie – except we actually tell the story this time
• Midwestern greeting cards
• Bridget’s not so excellent transit adventure
• Tighten Up! We’re gonna make it mellow for you by telling you to go watch this video.

Download: Episode 47

Episode 46, in which Shane and Bridget are recording in the same room! Bridget ran away from home and THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE OMAHA! Also – the mystery episode! What conversations were actually recorded? Hard to say. Here’s what we might have talked about:

• Toilet paper
• The most unintentionally hilarious thing Jim has ever said
• Bridget visits with high school Laura, her witty husband DJ.
• Buttercup and Dumpling are adorable birdies and also objects of torture
• Grits to Glitz. We just love em!
• Bridget’s Mom is stalking Friend of the Show Jamie. Sorry, Jamie!
• Shane gets an awesome present (cover art, anyone?) created by the lovely and talented (and durty, durty girl) Ruby42!

From Shane: This episode features some pretty embarassing audio glitches due to the way we recorded the podcast (with both of us in the same room).  That’s also why it’s late going up!  Thanks for being so patient!

Download: Episode 46

Episode 45 of Emergency Pants is filled, stuffed, and packed with all kinds of crazy crap. Then we tamped it down and added more.

• The unwashed man leaves nothing behind but the rank smell of balls 
• Our listeners rock, including Rachel, who took this picture, Penny, who sent Crying While Eating, and Kelley, who sent Cat Ladies and Laser Portraits.
• Bridget’s former bathroom nemesis is given a moniker – the Shameless Shitter.
• We are going LOL-less. Join us if you’re willing, call us out if we stray. We can DO this, people!
• Bitches get served in meetings and we revel in schadenfreude
• Bridget sings the “I told you so” song
• Effingboring gets stitchy!

Download: Episode 45

• Sausages! Yum!
• Jamie makes some interesting fashion choices.
• We suck at compliments, part three.
• Getting angry at hairstyles.
• Special greetings from Jamie for some of our listeners – Eeeeeeee!
• Bad news: no new You Look Nice Today. Good news: Merlin Mann supplied awkward boners – hurrah!
• Mr X Stitch adds a new post – NSFW Saturdays!
• My First Dictionary – go there. Seriously.
• Bridget recounts the “box incident.” And no, not that kind of box, Shane. *sigh* See some of the crap that was in the box here and the itemized list of the crap here.

Download: Episode 44

• Beef stands are killing Chicago
• Bridget dicusses Tony’s visit in vivid and brutal detail – including a visit with the lovely and talented Patrick from PNSexplosion!
• Shane wants rats. Wait, what? Really? Okay!
• Lesbian porn embroidery caused a hub-bub over at Mr X Stitch and inspired NSFW Saturday!
• Sexy People! Go there! NOW! I mean, really! Look at THIS! And THIS!
• Amy and Bay from Grits to Glitz have a new blog called Not for a Million! Go there!
• Bridget finally shares the horror that is Yellowjacket. Sorry.
• Snarkypants is our new listener/stalker and is very funny!
• More bathroom shenanigans

Download: Episode 43

Episode 41 of Emergency Pants has us loving LOTS of things.

• How much do we love How Much Do We Love? So. Much.
• Green Porno is sublime
• Rose sends us goodies and is awesome
• Tara took and sent us the Ultimate Wacky Neighbor video
• Needle felting is fun! Get a kit from Tobiah Mundt today!
• How to Live with a Huge Penis and Little Donny
• Shane is bringing pussy back
• Bridget is forced to clarify her position on cock and balls

Download: Episode 41

• A new razor commercial makes Shane feel all funny downstairs
• Women in panties provide distraction
• We love learning new things
• Bridget needs more girlfriends/has too many guy friends
• We’re all too approachable

Download: Episode 40

• Tony** shares stories from his family’s visit
• We discuss our newest fan, Rosemoo, whose lovely drawing is the cover art of this episode
• Friend of the Show Tara points us in the direction of this awesome home-made snuggie
• We started a flickr group to store these and other cool images – check it out!
• We politely say “No, thank you,” to snoring and sneezing

Download: Episode 39

• The best way to disable Shane
• Bridget’s bathroom horror – continued
• We say goodbye to some old friends – and by “friends” we mean “people we made fun of on the show”
• We decide who we hug, awkward or not
• Rachel’s amazing undertaking

Download: Episode 38

Images courtesy of TheSmokingGun.com and horrible celebrity behavior.

It’s a special report from the Emergency Pants crew: ShamWow and Slap Chop salesman Vince Shlomi (I KNEW his name wasn’t really Vince Offer!) got himself in some trouble. Thanks to Sid, Rachel, and Chedderfish for bringing this to our attention! Thanks also to The Smoking Gun website for giving us all the gory details.

Download this Emergency (Pants) Podcast: ShamWowch!

Episode 37 of Emergency Pants, where we talk about a lot of stuff. And things. Also, junk.

• YAY! Rachel is graduating! YAY!
• Shane discusses his arsenal and is incorrigible – these two topics are not related
• Bridget and Jamie are made famous when  the Grits to Glitz girls provide a glowing review of MrXStitch! Thanks, girls!
• Bathroom hijinks and capers
• This might not have made the recording, but we love VSC and the write-up she did of Bridget!

Download: Episode 37

Episode 36 of Emergency Pants finds our heroes, Shane and Bridget, joined by Tony**, master of urban dictionary and knock knock jokes.

• Rachel McKay, Reluctant Mullet Technician countdown – one week left, bitches!
• Close encounters with a blue wang
• Helicopters: super-cool or terrifying bringers of doom? You decide!
• Marshmallows: same question.
• Bridget’s fangirl chronicles: King Missile

Visit our forums! C’mon, baby, you know you want to get your forum on. Or just leave us a comment. That’s cool too! ^_^

Download: Episode 36

Episode 35 of Emergency Pants is filled with mystery and lessons about life and loss. And fisting.

• We announce the winner of MrXStitch’s recycled cross stitch! Eeeeeeeee!
• Bridget was Down With the Sickness
• Becky Stern and VSC were both featured at MrXStitch and are both super cool.
• We proclaim our undying love for Ruby42. Also, Clown Jizz amd macaroni art.
• Our podcast pals Amy and Bay at Grits to Glitz are having a limerick contest – check it out!
• Run-ins with the law, kinda
• Rachel McKay – the Reluctant Mullet Technician no more!  count down!
• Shane gets some unwelcome, creepy attention. Now he knows what it feels like! Am I right, ladies? Am I right?

We now have a forum! Discuss episode 35 here.

Download: Episode 35

I’ve added a forums section to the website.  I know following discussions in the comments section is kind of a pain in the ass.

Simply go to http://emergency-pants.net/forums or use the Emergency Pants Forums link under “Contact Us” to get over there!

Episode 34 of Emergency Pants features the story of a brutal attack purportrated by poultry on a powerless prepubescent. Also: alliteration.

• Worlds collide! Shane and Bridget bond over idiocy they deal with on a daily basis
• Worlds collide AGAIN! Bridget’s other internet home, Mr X Stitch is having a contest – and next week we get to announce the winner. Cool, huh? Visit the site and comment on a post to get in on the contesty goodness!
• Bridget has a flashback to horrific experiences as a child on a farm thanks to the picture that serves as our cover art this week – taken by Friend of the Show and chicken lover, Jamie.
• This video makes Shane laugh! It makes Bridget laugh, then feel bad about herself, then laugh again!
• Bridget has a close encounter with “short end of the stick” guy
• Shane has the IT Guy blues

This show is dedicated to Wendy, Rose, and Simone de Beauvoir – as long as they keep their distance. About 4,000 miles, give or take.

**Note: the Kari discussed in this episode is not Friend of the Show Keri, but another Kari. Keri is not Kari, nor is Kari Keri. And Keri, you are awesome. Hi, Keri!

Also, special thanks to our hosting provider MediaTemple.

Download: Episode 34

• We love PNSexplosion so much, we bought them dinner and sent them this.
• Funny fake names used in battle
• Ghosts and old people – connected?
• We share “We shall most certainly be chums” moments
• We’re just not comfortable being complimented. *squirm*
• New listener Tara! Hi Tara!

There’s going to be a giveaway at Jamie’s blog this week! The winner gets this piece of hand-crafted awesomeness. Head on over to MrXStitch and check it out! Or not. It’s cool, baby, we don’t want to pressure you. Oh, will you look at that? How did my hand get there? Oh well… should I just leave it there, baby?

Download: Episode 33

Episode 32 of Emergency Pants brings the euphemism contest to a close. We can’t tell you how much fun this was for us, mostly because we are still laughing. Thanks to all of our awesome listeners who participated!

• A winner is chosen! Who will it be? It’s a mystery! Unless you look at the title of this episode, that is.
• Amy from Grits to Glitz and listeners Lia and Lukas throw their euphemisms in the ring. Thanks, guys!
• Alissa LISTENED! Hi, Alissa!
• Bridget is accused of conducting outbound phone sex
• Jim is filled with awesome and win
• Twitter incidents
• Bridget realizes that she is a clown, and that she is perfectly okay with that.

Bridget is now doing regular posts at MrXStitch’s blog! (That’s Jamie, people!) Drop by and show your support – or not. We don’t want to pressure you, baby. Why don’t we just sit here with the lights off and watch 9 and 1/2 Weeks instead?

Wow, your hair smells great. *sniff*

Download: Episode 32

Episode 31 is just FULL of stuff! AND junk!

• Euphemism contest entries – you guys are dirty, and we love it! Thanks to: Nessa, Kelley, Tony, Sid, Laura, Tina, Bay and Jamie!
• Shane’s new website!
• Bridget’s domestic success!
• Listener Sid posts a link that makes Bridget cry (in the good way)
• We finally say hi to Alissa! Hi, Alissa!
• Shane makes Kelley and Alissa uncomfortable, I’m sure. Sorry, ladies!
• Bridget is a katamari for IT guys!

Next week brings the exciting conclusion of the euphemism contest. Thanks to all who participated! Sorry you missed your chance? Do you keen and pull at your hair while wailing into the night: “Why, WHY didn’t I send in an entry? WHY???” That’s ok, baby – just email us by Saturday and it’s all good.

Download: Episode 31

It’s Episode 30 of Emergency Pants – it’s a little long, but we heard you like it that way.

• Shane represents at the Omaha Tweetup!
• Snarky Cards!
• Breaking Bad News With Baby Animals!
• Pat McCurdy is awesome!
• The funniest text message Bridget ever received!
• Shane and Bridget are censored!
• Even yet still more listener love – thanks for the reviews and comments!
• Excessive use of exclamation points!
• Jamie sums Bridget up in his blog!
• The big, bulging, veiny euphemism contest!

That’s right, we’re having a contest, people. Send us your favorite euphemisms. Multiple entries are welcome, and, in fact, encouraged (seriously, they’re not a myth.) You can email us at emergencypantspodcast at gmail.com, leave us a voicemail on Skype – emergency-pants.net – or leave a comment on the site to participate.  A winner will be selected and Bridget will design a stitch based on the winning phrase – and hey, if the winner wants it, we’ll even send it to them! Or not. We don’t want things to be weird between us. We’ll move as slow as you want us to, baby.

Like the show? Let us know! Leave us a review on iTunes or comment on our site! We think that kind of thing is super cool – like you.

Download: Episode 30

It’s the second international edition of Emergency Pants! Bridget’s brother from a European mother and Friend of the Show Jamie joins us via the interwebs. Topics covered:

• Jamie’s past life as a wonder boner
• Tonight’s vocabulary word is felching
• Shane has 5 computers!!!
• HR secret codes
• Listener love! Thanks to Cheryl and iTunes 5 star reviewer!
• What if the grab-ass couple were hot?
• Jamie recites some touching urban poetry, reducing Bridget to tears

Check out this Snuggie parody brought to our attention by listener Cheryl!

Review us on iTunes – or not. It’s cool. We don’t want to pressure you, baby. We could just cuddle in our underwear.

Download: Episode 29

Episode 28 – the episode so nice, we decided to record it TWICE!

Tonight we discuss:

• YogaToes, Easy Curves and Cheers To You – provided by official Emergency Pants Researchers Rachel and Keri.
• Dudes crying.
• Bridget twitters about her day, even if it might get her grounded.
• An update on the grab-ass couple - it’s really them! – especially for Kelley.
• Shane attempts a solo podcast.

Episode 27 features a rare glimpse into the minds of Bridget and Shane, only to come up with one thing:  They love farts.

They also cover the following: 

• Public Grabass
• Tiddy Bear competitor “Snadge Elephant”
• Reading Twitter in the Bathroom
• Broken Sound Equipment (Pisses Me Off!)

Welcome to Episode 26, with 50% more Tony! (The picture above is not Tony)

In this episode we discuss:

• The joys of belligerant drunks
• The Transformers (the robots, not the electrical devices or sex acts)
• 80s cartoons
• Teacher rape (or the lack thereof)
• And more!

Also, shout outs to Kelley and Stars and Tartans!

Download NOW: Episode 26

You heard right, folks.  For the next 30 seconds ONLY you can get the second part of the Amazing Commercial Extravaganza, two free book lights, a snuggie, 43 ShamWOWs, a Chia Pet, some cheap chinese crap, and a Medi-lert bracelet.  All for the low price of $19.95*.

BUT WAIT!  This episode also includes: Priceless discussion of male enhancement pills, elderly-people commercials, mainstream sex toys, Chuck Norris fails, more excersize equipment (HOLDS UP TO 240 POUNDS!  For the Brits that follow our show, that’s “dollars”), fake TV doctors, and hearing products, and the world’s dirtiest Arby’s commercial.

Download: Episode 25

*Offer will not be honored.

Episode 24 explores Bridget’s and my love for shitty commercials.  We’re also lucky enough to have a listener-submitted photo from Laura and DJ.  Below is their story:

     On Friday nights, I don’t have a ride home from work so in an attempt not to use the Hauptman and O’Brien’s “Safe Ride Home” Program, I caught the bus going the opposite way, as it would be the same one I would catch home. This was a way warmer situation, if you have been hearing about Omaha weather recently. 
     DJ was on the bus, as arranged, so we went down Dodge Street and ended up getting  off at the Walgreen’s at about 31st and Dodge. We have been doing this for a few weeks, doing a chocolate run at 9pm on a Friday night. Hehe.
     We were talking about how sometimes you are just at someone’s house or a place just to be there to try something new or meet someone who you wouldn’t usually have access to. We got in the store and shook ourselves off and got more comfortable for strolling, shopping. We walked by a ShamWOW and other infomercial products so I picked up a box and said, “Wow, DJ!   It is REALLY made in Germany!” (We, of course, were referencing the Emergency Pants episode that had the ShamWOW discussion.)
     We walked on and then he said, “I don’t think we are here for chocolate, we were here to see the ShamWOW.” Then we, like giggling teenagers, took this picture for you and the Emergency Pants crew. I posed, he took the photo. 
     Merry Christmas, Emergency Pants cast and crew!! Good Luck in 2009!

 

*Laura and DJ. 

Thanks for the letter!  We cover a lot of our favorite bad commercials in this episode, plus the benefits of having a fort, and our best and worst Christmases!

If you want to check out these commercials, go to asseenontv.com!

Download: Episode 24

Episode 23 covers a lot of ground, so we’ll get right into the nitty gritty:

• Snow sucks – it’s confirmed and documented.
• Bridget’s mom is not the best CSR.
• The first recorded trans-atlantic junk-food swap.
• Mean Pharmacy Lady.
• Nobody has time for REO Speedwagon.
• Burnout.
• The worst joke in the world!

Download: Episode 23

Episode 22 takes us across the pond (via the interwebs) to talk with our special guest, MrXStitch!  We discuss the differences between British and American culture.  And by “culture” we mean “swear words.”

Also covered, conkers, and the ridiculousness that is snuggies.

Download: Episode 22 – Emergency Trousers

In Episode 21, we shine the harsh light of truth on our pasts, and atone for the bad things we did.  And, by “atone,” I mean “tell you about and laugh at.”  We cover such scintillating sins as:

• Theft
• Medical fetishes
• Lying
• and Jedi Mind Tricks

Download: Episode 21

Episode 20 is all about embarrassment.  Hear such harrowing tales as: 

• The Wrong Party!
• I Thought You Hung Up!
• Grab-Ass – For Real This Time!
• Gingerbread Latte of Doom!

Also, shout-outs (again) to Bay and Amy from Grits to Glits, and MrXStitch’s blog!

Download UP IN THIS PIECE: Episode 20

Episode 19: We review our feedback from the ladies at Grits to Glitz, who gave us a shout-out on their latest episode, and a discussion about Shane’s prostitute friend.  Also:

• People are incapable of determining if they’re having an actual emergency
• Vampire stories and Twilight
• Sticky accents
• Goodbye, Mars Lander!

Download here: Episode 19

<a href=”http://www.podcastalley.com/”> My Podcast Alley feed!</a> {pca-c97675d8d46c1ae147c0d66df137dca1}

Episode 18 kicks off with election coverage, and we find out what’s wrong with America today.  Bridget enjoys some hot latte action courtesy of Starbuck’s new friendliness program, and we discuss how it’s hard out there for a geek.  

Also, if you’re Obama’s grandma, you may not want to listen to this episode.

Download it here: Episode 18

Episode 17 is hot off the presses!  In this issue:

• Minneapolis vs. St. Paul 
• The Smoking Gun TV has funny educational films, including  ”Easy To Get” – Army’s training video about how not to get gonorrhea – NSFW!
• Bridget has hot Twitter friends
• Skittle jackets are not hiphop
• Commercials encourage lying

We managed to whip Skype into a bloody submission this evening, so here’s another episode for you all.

We detail the scandalous stealing of political signs from Bridget’s mom, the wonders of GPS, Subversive arts and crafts, Human Resources, Tony, and childish insults.

Shout outs to Mr. Xstitch, and a shitload of etsy stores:

• Spidercamp’s bunnies
• Mincingmockingbird
• Trixie Delicious’s Vandalized Vintage
• Attack of the Robots

(Thanks to Mooosh for the inspiration for week’s title)

In this episode we cover ass cheese, comedy gold at McDonald’s, Heroes Suckfest, and REO Speedwagon.

Also covered: How’s It Made, and your uvula is showing, and Subversive Cross Stitch.

Shout outs: VSC, Mooosh, Ruby42, and of course, Beefranck.

Download Episode 15 here: Episode 15

Who doesn’t need a montage?  In this episode, we discuss the things in life in which we would like to be sped fast-forward through, a la the movie montage.  

Other things you will find interesting in this podcast:

• Bridget’s awesome doctor
• Shane’s fascination with Bridget’s awesome doctor
• Nerd Lovin’
• Something horrible in the bubble tea place (and it’s not the bubble tea!)

After a massive, massive hiatus, Emergency Pants is back with a brand new edition.  We’re rollin’ in our 5.0, with the ragtop down, so our hair can blow.

In this week’s episode, we discuss the virtues of San Diego and San Francisco, and smutty dime-novel shops.  Bridget and Shane relate heart-wrenching stories of visits to grandma’s house, bullies, and floods.  Also: Smurf names, sexual harrassment training, and the elusive Prius is spotted in the wild.

Download it here: Episode-13

Commit! Commit! Commit to be shit! Be! Shitgressive! B-E shitgressive!

So, Episode 12 is in the can (quite literally). It picks up where 11 left off, with the EP crew being joined again by Tony** to discuss matters of great importance. Tony also teaches us the game “Species or Sex Act?” which proves to be a great time.

Also, Bridget snorts in a meeting, and we discuss starting our cult.

Things discussed: Penis List, Ainsley

Download: Episode 12

Episode 11 is released unto an unsuspecting public!

In this week’s episode we discuss the luxuries of a certain supermarket, the virtues of sushi and piercings, and completely fail at not talking about poop once again. And Tony** joins us again!

References (read: unpaid advertisements for) this week: Trader Joe‘s and Big Brain.

In addition to new episode-y goodness, we want to remind readers that you can email us at emergencypantspodcast at gmail. Also, if you want to send a Trader Joe’s gift basket, money, or hookers, let us know and we’ll give you our addresses!

Download: Rhymes with “Jader Toe’s”

**may or may not be his real name.

Episode 10′s content was recorded along with Episode 9‘s, however due to length we had to break ‘em apart (that’s what she said). I was going to wait a few days to let Ep 9 sink in good and deep, but this stuff is just too funny to sit on (that’s what she said).

Enjoy Episode 10, in which we discuss archaic terms for punishment, license plates, cat balls, and horse jizz.

Direct download: Episode-010

Episode 9 has been released for public consumption!

In this episode, we discuss troublemaker Anthony Bourdain, inflexible noodles, stationery and office supplies, and Bridget’s mom blows our minds.

Also discussed: pooplosions, bathroom furniture, and the natural beauty of the glory hole.

Direct download: Episode 9

Episode 008 features a guest, Tony**, a long-time friend of Bridget and Shane.  It is also our podcast’s filthiest episode by far, and our almost-longest (second only to episode 003′s silence contest, which clocked in just under 3 hours).

In this episode: We discuss Tony’s latest road trip.  Bridget reviews our current favorite commercial, Shane reveals his new favorite word, and Tony reveals his love for urbandictionary.com.  We also discuss loads of bodily functions, invent a new super-hero, and create a new Italian restaurant.  Also featured are annoying words and phrases.

** May or may not be his real name!

Direct download: 2 Cats 1 Foot

Bridget is entering the craftster.org Summer Needlework Challenge! - stay tuned for pics of the beautiful, vicious sampler she is sewing.

Theme music provided by Men Without Pants from the Podsafe network.

Direct download: emergency-pants-007